A Quote

"It's a perishable desire that feeds and eats away at corners of unprotected bits of me.

Like a dance with arms stretched at length and two partners encompassed in censored focus we work the shifts that burn fire to our lips.

A fleshy pleasure waits at home with the love that birthed three years before, and I , the yearling with insecure falsities of pride wait for something to die.

There is a reason the excitable moroseness ignites a spark that flashes a flood between the space of eyes-

I am not willing nor able nor allowed to know what it is that she has known 1,095 days between warm sheets and the comfort of a thousand times you went to her in dreams and in working with me.

I am in deep with words too witty for the functions of the gray matter encompassed in bone-

I know they'll keep you thinking on your toes when she hovers above in weakened relief.

A seed.

Buried in the chest of man to keep him from staying content too long.

I push back like a fist full of cash across splintered bits of wood and you two sit on one side while I,

lay restless in a theater of graphic art strewn across the black screen

I've seen the better half that holds the plates and makes the wait of the family man more pleasurable.

You'll meet a friend at the bar stool with imagery of me and you and think that I am unaware of the attempts to get you to come with.

You'll have your excuse in the matter of fiscal policy and a tampered scene

But I've been around your mind like a string pulled tight and loosened to let in the light.

You'll never not let go soon enough to get back to what you had in a time before you saw it in my eyes and I

the girl you were never supposed to meet becomes your favorite person and puts a gap between the sheets"

- C.P.

Curse it to Be

It's one thing to drive down the freeway at 1:30am with soar feet and another thing to stick up for yourself. I cried in the walk-in fridge at work over two men who walked out on me with a $63 tab. I didn't cry because I trusted, I cried because our busy body, bossy, bitchy, large-and-in-charge supervisor yelled at me and the frustration came bubbling out my ears. Usually I play dead and allow her to boss, but this night I fought back. She yelled and asked why I hadn't watched my tables (I had seven full ones) and then said I only had three tables at the time so there was no excuse. Nope, this time I yelled back, right back at my supervisor and I didn't stop until she did. A hatred fueled itself and sent me marching around the place cursing in front of customers (hope I don't get fired!) and threw me overboard. It's because I pent it all up, let it sit, let her boss me around, walk all over me, etc...I pent it up and said thiiiiings in front of customers. shit.
The point is: stick up for yourself otherwise it will build up and break you down.take things one calmest moment at a time or they will suspend themselves over your head and crush you. You're human too- the people who are acting irrationally towards you don't see you that way and so you must prove it to them.

Waist Not, Want Not

I can't return the dress that is too short and too tight. It fits like a glove, and that's the problem. It's also beautiful and I got it on sale over at ModCloth.
Originally it's plan was to be my muse at the family Christmas party/dinner. I had found her in advance and it seemed like twu wuv at first sight- not to mention the 20% off. I awaited her arrival with baited breath and when she showed up in a cardboard box blanketed in plastic, I ripped the package open and zipped her up. It was great, the color, the chiffon "bib" (if you will) that delicately attaches to the scoop neck, the button hook in the back, and the gap that encircles the upper-back. So perfect. EXCEPT the fit. I knew that I couldn't wear it for the family, not without upsetting my grandma, so what was I to do? Not return it, that's for sure. Imagine:
You receive a teddy bear in the mail, super cute, cuddly, warm, and with big, brown, shiny eyes. Suddenly, your mom puts it back in the box and ships it back to the factory where it was made. That poor teddy bear now dwells in a cold, metal, factory, filled with people who don't care about him and mass produce his clones.
That's basically how I feel about shipping this dress back. It's not happening, and I'll tell you why else:
I'm wearing it right now for a night out with friends. It's raining outside and I don't care BECAUSE I made some alterations, if you will. Instead of letting it be too tight, uncomfortable, and awkward, I tucked it into a maxi skirt (that's how fitting it is) and let the chiffon bib hang right above the waist-band of the skirt. IT LOOKS SICK. I was super proud of my innovation, although, I'm sure it doesn't seem that rad to anyone else. I'm really excited though, so bare with me here. I've got my brown denim jacket in the dryer as we speak and plan to wear my gray TOMS to correlate with the gray hue of the maxi skirt. HAZAHH!
Stay Warm!

Not the same jacket, but close enough!

Add caption

Message:

Message of the midnight oil:
Be good to people even when they are a little frustrating. Try to understand each other even when it's clearly not going to be easy to do. I feel like a lot of people (and I speak from the working world) don't try to understand, all they see is this and that not the in between. Tonight was not so great and I chanted "I hate people" more than enough times, which obviously isn't 100% true, but I was driven to it. On one hand, I had a patient table tip me $15 despite delayed order taking time and the fact that our hot chocolate machine broke disappointing their three year old. Then take a table of three women in their late twenties with 0 patience who spoke with me in annoyed tones the whole time, didn't tip, and complained to my co-workers about me despite my generous pricing of their tea (basically I gave the lady half the price for her beverage and she still complained about it) In between tables, a man, his brother, and their elderly mother played sarcastic games with me asking for "diet whipped cream" and "light chocolate syrup" and told me he needed more ice cream because they: "spilled it" (aka, they ate it all). A young couple who nagged me instantly while I talked to another table for bleu cheese and who became mean and annoyed when I asked politely for them to pay because I was cut. Even after telling them to stay as long as they like and to continue their card game, they both gave me attitude and no tip.
MY POINT:
Not out of self-pity, but out of experience and observation: be kind to one another, try to be understanding no matter the situation whether it be a busy diner or a full-parking lot- just be patient. Imagine if everyone did one patient thing every day (given it were called for) like letting another car merge in front of them in heavy traffic, being gracious with a new waitress, or just not being a smart-ass for five minutes. THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES. Be kind and remind.

Bridal Edition

Call me a freak, but I can't wait to get married. I don't have a fiancee...a boyfriend...or even a prospective boyfriend yet BUT a girl can dream, and that's exactly what I've been doing since I was fourteen. My friend and I were talking about our weddings on a car ride home: She wants a vintage wedding in a vineyard (cannot wait for that one!) and I want a simple, elegant, outdoors wedding. (think green field, outdoor tent, married in white gazebo, flowers galore!.) First thing has to be the man, but since I don't have one, the dress comes first:

I like the neckline of the fourth and love the skirt of the third dress. The strapless detail is something I'm nearly 100% on, I feel like, as cliche as it seems, a summer wedding would be most ideal for a strapless and for an outdoors wedding. My cousin's wedding was in November and it was perfect, the best time ever, and the weather was lovely. Not too cold, but not warm. BUT, just to be safe, let's say...May. There's almost too much tulle on the third dress, but the leafy design wrapping around is gorgeous and something I've seen on "Say Yes to the Dress" and loved.

Tulips feel right. Especially if the wedding were to be in May, I'd say tulips would be perfect. I feel like something bright yet elegant would be the best choice to go against the Spring/Summer background and white dress.

First dance ^^^^ I was singing this in my car the other day and then it hit me: this is the song I want as my first "husband/wife dance" The lyrics are perfect and it's cute as could ever be. What's the walk down the isle song you ask? I'm pretty sure (give it a chance) that it will be Vitamin String Quartet's version of "Yellow" by Coldplay. I don't want the traditional "Here Comes the Bride", I want something with meaning, something that I'll feel amazing walking to. This is all I got so far, thank you for tolerating my naive bliss ;)
Adieu.

Just Do It and Don't Complain

Sometimes things start slipping and I complain about work- like today. I haven't worked since Sunday morning and the break has been lovely. Now, I've got today, tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday to work and I complain. I think: I can't picture myself being alive by Sunday. Then I think:
Look, you have to work anyways. You have to show up, do your job, and look good while doing it too. No frowning because HEY you're making money for doing a job that is considered easy. You're lucky to have this job, you searched and searched for it and here it is. You asked for it..literally. It's hard at times and people can be a big blue royal pain in the ass, but then you get to go home. You always get to go home. There are people out there 60ft underground in the mines, scrounging for jewels, or in a hot factory for 100% less than you're working for. Get over being lazy, get over complaining, get over taking advantage of it and do the damn thing. 
That's what I tell myself. I also tell myself to remember the post I wrote a while back bragging about how great work it. How fun, fresh, and exciting it is. I'd hate to be a hypocrite, so here's to working hard even when we wish we didn't have to.

Music Is My Lover

Do you think that other-worldly beings would understand those notes? I hardly understand them and am now realizing how difficult my New Year's goal is going to be. Imagine such a man, sitting at his piano with the likes of this formulating in his head. That's crazy if you ask me. Just look at it, how would he know what exactly would sound just exactly right with the other thing- the timing, structure, cadence of it all. This is probably the most beautiful and powerful song I've ever heard, but that's a matter of opinion. More than anything, it's remarkable. I think I've said before that music is my true love, my boyfriend, my lover, my language interpreter (how romantic) Sometimes I ask myself if in the future, when I meet a guy I like, if I'll be able to like him as much as I like music. It's a mystery, besides, I figure it'll be awhile until I find the right kind of guy for me. I just thought I should share the immense complication of this piece and the foreign character it takes on. Simply unbelievable.

You Can Find It In the Rain Forest

$15 for a salad called "Jungle Chop". It's usually something I would decline, but we were at Rain forest Cafe. My sister had previously visited saying that it's not like it was when we were kids- that the magic of it had run out as we got older. Not so. Perhaps it's because I'm still young or perhaps it's because it was exactly the the way I'd remembered it. The random rainstorms, beating of a gorilla's chest, and the random squawking of tropical parrots. The only difference is that we were aware that zebras and gorillas don't live in the same habitat and that tropical parrots wouldn't be living with the elephants. There was fog and dripping water flowing down plastic rocks behind our table and a giant aquarium with "unicorn fish" swimming about. I was entranced, it was truly great to be back and the elephants felt like what I'd imagine a real elephant would feel like.
It was nice to have some of it back, some of the familiar things that come back when people do. I don't think ADELE's "Set Fire to the Rain" was ever more appropriately paired with Daniel Powter's "Bad Day" than in a wet parking lot in Irvine. Even when people claim my sassy Persian friend has become a bro, I can find the real him somewhere within the first few minutes. When we see each other after long partings, I think of when two dogs meet each other- tails wagging, jumping all over each other and barking with excitement. It's like that. Things can stay okay if we let them. It doesn't all go wrong when we part for some amount of time in between these kinds of times. Mix that with the Christmas that's in the air and we can fill the silence and the missing pieces until those missing pieces come home too. We await!

Play it for Me Straight

Christmas is approaching fast and I mean FAST. I feel like the older I get the quicker it gets here because I'm not the impatient child I once was, asking my mom every two days if it was Christmas yet. i have this vivid memory from when I was maybe...eight, sitting on the edge of the couch talking to my brother who was probably around fifteen and him and I were talking about the joys of Christmas, everything we'd get to do and people we would see when all of a sudden the conversation began to progress into excited yelps and exclamations until I flipped over the arm of the couch onto my back. Pure.Bliss.
I am excited and I'm also trying to slim it down so I can fit comfortably into a dress I purchased from ModCloth <3 that is adorable and a wee tighter and shorter than expected. I'll wear it anyway. Time is dwindling and I still have packages on their way to me and some that still need to be ordered. I can't for the life of me think of things to get for the guys in my life. I always go straight to tools, but then realize that we're an artsy people and tools don't speak to us. Then I end up spending more than intended on a pair of nice shoes or a Starbucks gift pack of sorts.
We got our tree last night. Instead of studying for finals, I urged my mom to swing by the tree patch and pick up a tree. We found a perfect one, which at the moment is sitting out in the rain. It really only feels like Christmas when the tree gets brought in and the lights are put on. That's when I know and that's when I can be jolly- I can also be jolly when finals are over. Here's the thing, I already made my New Year's resolution because I figure why not? This year is flying by. I've decided to take piano lessons again so I don't continue to sound like an inexperienced idiot. I could have been really good had I stuck to lessons and that's the most pompous I'll ever get. I could have been probably seriously good if I hadn't quit when I was sixteen. I quit because I was sick of the teacher and sick of receiving Disney sheet music and going to workshops to play for other kids who played Mary Had A Little Lamb in a poor manner (that was mean, sorry). But, I did- I quit. I can still read notes, but I have been wondering: How good could I have been had I been going to lessons still to this day? So, I've decided to go back with the little knowledge and lack of skill I have left. What's the resolution you ask? Well, I'd like to learn (given a year)  "Ballad No.1 in G minor, Op. 23 Don't know it? Take a listen and watch til the very end

Go On, Go with the Flow

As I was standing in a cloud of second-hand smoke, I realized he's not as awesome as I thought.
There was a blackout at work last night, two actually, but the second was more significant and lasted longer. Since we were all alone in the restaurant, we turned on Pandora blues, danced, and made mini raves with our flashlights. I kept company with one of the hostesses out back as she puffed smoke into the cold air, only to be joined by the two handsome young servers that have had me tongue tied in mini crushes since day one. Both of them joined her in the habitual smoking ritual ( i guess that's just what you do when it's dark and there's nothing else to do). I considered taking a hit, I considered and then decided against it- it's just not even worth it and the only reason it crossed my mind was because I was...fourth wheelin' it hard. (that makes no sense) I ended up walking back inside on my own thinking he's just like everyone else. There he is preaching his animal rights, vegetarianism, free-spirited ways, and then there he is puffing away on a cancer stick like the rest of 'em. Now, I don't mind a guy who smokes, I don't. I would prefer it not to be, but if I were really into someone and that was their only noticeable flaw..what the hell. However, when you pair that someone with a flirtatious demeanor, a long-term girlfriend, and hypocritical attributes, well I'll say what the hell? Perhaps my biggest flaw is not being able to control myself when a guy is nice to me, not being able to notice the difference between nice and flirtatious, or not noticing when he's a total player with one too many cocky assumptions. And then, once I notice one annoying habit, I focus on all the rest and find myself avoiding contact to assure myself that what I'm doing is really necessary. I can't have "like all the rest", it would be a sad ending for someone who has never been like all the rest.

Omi

by ouroboros771

Cloudy

© indiadiggs

I made the above picture on "Paint". I made it into a t-shirt on www.zazzle.com and am planning to gift it to my two-year old nephew who knows nothing of Harry Potter. However, my sister LOVES Harry Potter and so I figured I'd give her a reason to wish she was a two year old boy with a really random Harry Potter spell-casting thunder cloud. It made sense to me at the time: the scar, the spell (which is actually Winguardian, but for the sake of the character, it had to be Wind) Merry Christmas Harry Potter style.

Finals Will Eat Your Spirit

 
In an attempt to get the inner-workings of my body to shut down, I began to stress.
Two weeks it's been since I first began to dread this very day and one week since I found another reason to dread today. I lost sleep. I brought study materials to work at the expense of my customers' patience. I broke out. I became cranky in all my dread for finals week. Suddenly, cereal became my dearest companion and everything else became an enemy. In all the times I wished time would fly, it crawls, and in all the time I wish it to stop, it runs like there's a fire-breathing baby on its heels. Needless to say, today is the day of dreads that I've been dreading. I woke up knowing, and then went back to sleep. I woke up for a second time knowing, and then drowned it in a scalding shower. I left home with the look of a sick puppy and dragged my TOMS out the front door and put the pedal to the metal. Here's what it looked like inside of my mind before classes:
I'm going to fail-no you're not stop it! But seriously, look at this, I haven't studied hardly enough and if that weren't enough, I"m tired and dehydrated and all the odds are against me. India stop! Psych is the easiest class on this planet and you have passed every previous one- EXACTLY so the odds are that I should by now have one failing test. I'm dooooooooooooooooomed.
This is how it went:
Man, this is easy. That's probably just the first five, it's going to get harder. Wtf? It seems as if each question is getting easier! Oh wait, three shaded D's in a row? Try to throw me off will you professor? Take THAT ! (6 minutes later) I'm walking out the door smug as a bug. 
So the psych test was a joke. It was as easy as I could have hoped for. A good start. Still, the thing that carried the most weight was ahead of me, the class presentation in Anthropology. In front of the WHOLE CLASS. I was terrified, this is the demon that kept me awake at night. So came the time for me to present. I volunteered. I presented. It was fine. Can't laugh at it like the psych test, but still I'm so glad it's over. The best part is that I don't have to take the final for that class if I don't wanna. Guess what? I don't wanna. Lazy? yes. Well- planned- study- sessions- in- the- knowledge- that- if- I -did -well- up -until -this- point- that- I -wouldn't- have- to- take -the- final? Yeeeesssss. Next comes the music 1 final on Tuesday. Bring it on bitch.