Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Let's GO

I'm ready to go.
I'm ready for that trip to U-Haul for cardboard boxes to fill with my things. I'm ready for panicking over not being able to find my phone charger, my favorite stuffed animal, and all of my jewelry. I'm ready for the phone call I'll make to my new home to let them know I'll be on my way. I'm ready to be on my way, up the coast, fidgeting in my seat with nerves and excitement. I'm ready to turn the corner onto whichever street our apartment ends up being on and seeing my roommate excited to have her living companion. I cannot wait.
I'll work one more month before putting in my two weeks notice, which essentially means that I only have 16 shifts left at the diner. That's weird to me. I feel like I'm stuck to that place by the very grease it creates. I'm ready to get phone calls from home- my friends asking to come and visit for a week, my mom worrying about how much studying I've been doing, and my siblings asking when I'll be visiting. I'm excited for parties, boys, late nights, walks in the parks, Union Square shopping, paying bills (for now, I want to feel independent), job hunting, working, living, loving, and creating a sub-family, if you will. I'm excited to send true Ghirardelli chocolates home and watching street performers. I cannot wait.
I'm nervous to leave my best friend, who just lost her mother unexpectedly. No one saw it coming, and I'm afraid to leave her so soon. I'm afraid to leave my mom who I've learned to appreciate ten times more since my friend lost hers. I'm afraid to be alone when my roommate and I argue and I'm afraid to watch him fall in love with someone else. I'm afraid to walk alone at night and to sleep alone in the house when both my roommates have places to go and people to see. I'm afraid of not having Disney movies playing when I'm afraid, and I'm worried that I'll not get to play piano for a very long time. These things are worrisome, but not so much that they dampen my yearning. More than anything, I'm anxious to start over. I'm ready to be someone that no one, except for a few, knows. No one knows me there...how weird is that? I can be pretty much anyone, I can cut off all of my hair, lose 30lbs, and talk with an accent if I wanted to. (I won't talk with an accent). I can meet people that I never thought I would, go places that I never expected to, and learn things that they never taught in school. I'm so excited that it's bursting out of my veins. It's literally pumping blood and circulating it within my body.
Going to work has been tedious and tiring without him there because I feel like my buddy carried most of the positive energy in the place. No one else brings that, and even when I try, my co-workers think I'm manic. I try to tell myself that I'm making money, but then people don't tip well and complain about the spinach and then it's no longer worth the money. I can't wait to work somewhere that's not open 24/7 where I can go home at a decent hour and where I won't have to make 1,000 milkshakes in one shift for a bunch of greedy teenagers. I'll miss its lax atmosphere more than anything, but with that comes many hassles.
Of course, I'll miss my best friends from Orange County, I'll miss them because they're the only ones that make me truly bust a gut. I can laugh whole-heartedly and without reserve when I'm with them, something I ought to do more often, and something I'm not sure my roommate and I are capable of. I'm going to miss driving around, going to our places, and just hanging out. I feel the moments with them, but I have to learn to do that from a little further away.
I'm so excited.

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