It's too expensive to watch you fall. I'm balanced so thinly on something I don't even know and I pray that you're still willing to be my strong back, my legs when I can't move, and my voice when I can't speak. I need you to be older than me and to take care of me when I don't want to anymore. I need you to witness me in my most organic states and know that I miss you terrible twos. I miss you because you held me up with Popsicle sticks and they're cracking at the loss of their puppeteer. I'm waning and wanting you because sometimes I catch your scent in a place where you've probably never even been and then I want you so badly is burns my throat. I keep thinking it's not going to happen, but then I remember that it already has. I've already been that close-so close to you behind a wall that knows nothing, yet knows everything that has happened. I talk about you when it's not necessary and I can't stop it. Word chunder, diarrhea of the mouth, your name is the bile that rips the skin from inside of my throat. I see you everywhere and you're not, but oh God, I miss you all the time and I wish I had a real reason for it, but I don't. I'm beginning to wonder if I even know you at all or if I painted a picture with charcoal and sharpie.
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