Acid

I can be hateful towards you and I can love you at the same time. Cliche, but also a mixture of acidic bubbles that tear into my innards and draw me closer to you. Sometimes I feel absolutely numb, I feel sick to my charred core and then the heat of your chest and the chill in my feet make me want to stay within the warmth of your heart. I've come to re-assume the fetal position. Sometimes it's to hold myself together, sometimes it's because I fear that standing up would dump me into the ground and you'll be left with a fleshy carpet.
Sometimes I don't want you to touch me. Your very contact makes me crawl and suddenly I see you there, my hand tracing your jaw and I want nothing more. I want nothing more than to be some dark spot in the corner of your mind. The car accident you can't look away from.
Once, you made the anger spill up until I opened my car door while we were in a tunnel. In that moment, I wanted to run away from the light at the end so you wouldn't be able to find me. What I really find is that I'm always angry. I'm always broken in a way that makes my hinges squeak and makes me want to push you away. God, sometimes. Sometimes you bug the shit out of me and most of the time I crave you in the middle of the night.
Today you kissed me long and hard like i'd be going away for a very long time. You kissed me and as I write this, my heart aches and I wonder if I take advantage of our love. If it were to be cast out of our live, minds, etc... would I be any different?
I just want to get away with you and open my door in that tunnel, but this time, take your large hand in mine and run. Please understand that I am confused in this. I am so in love with hating you and I hate that I love you so much.
Somehow though, my love becomes those acidic bubbles and burns through the hate so all that is left is a beautiful and perfectly constructed light.