friends under beneficial circumstances.

I'm sitting in the side parking lot of Bed Bath & Beyond after having watched "Friends With Benefits", just sitting there with the windows down. I was in that post-hypnotic phase after seeing a movie and just needing to dwell on it.  I thought about the plot of the movie ( girl meets boy, girl and boy become friends who both happen to be horny, girl and boy become friends with benefits, and I won't give the rest away). I thought about Mila Kunis's tiny body that looked better in lingerie than it did in clothes and Justin Timberlake's respectful yet aroused behaviour throughout (not to mention his finely sculpted body).I'm literally just sitting in the parking lot thinking about these things. I related to Mila's character. All she ever really wanted was a fairytale prince charming and all she ever got was the settled-for average and typical relationship, but she never let go of the glass slipper. She dished out her feelings to men about how "damaged" she was from that idea of the happily ever after and how it came close to nothing every time, which I found to be a bit daunting compared to what should be talked about on a first date. She was so lively though, so completely herself and cussed like a sailor without giving a shit as to who was listening. She didn't smoke, or sleep around (with random guys), she was successful, fun, and beautiful. I think so far, her character, though presented in a quirky storyline, has been the most real character I've seen in a long time. After thinking in that parking lot for close to an hour ( I needed "me" time anyways), the idea of friends with benefits didn't seem so crass to me after all. I've always looked down on it thinking it to be classless and a waste of time, but honestly, I feel like a friendship like the one they had was so much fun. It was so sporadic and messy, flirty, and understanding.
There is no perfect man and quite frankly I'm so tired of searching the corners of this place to find him, I'm tired of yearning for the warm embrace of some serious love. Damn straight, I still look forward to getting married and hell no I don't ever want to be a slut, but I've been able to tarnish the idea of true love over the course of my eighteen years because I've been trying so hard to be noticed and appreciated by the opposite sex (to no avail). I'm not throwing the towel in, but you could say that I'm starting to believe in her words. It's silly that I'm leaving my "love" decisions up to movie characters, but I'm not really. They're just confirming what I already knew. I want to have fun. I want to make good guy friends in college that treat me like an equal and not a silly girl with curls, or a cursing machine (it's just part of my vernacular.) I want to be as comfortable with myself as Mila was and as sure as Summer. This is not to say that I'm giving up on a prince charming, I expect no less as far as personality and class. I don't want to just be someones option, or lack there of. I'm asking for more, but until that day comes when I meet Mr. Right, I think I'll settle for fun and the opportunity to get to know myself so I can eventually feel right about sharing it with someone. Adieu.