Hit & Run

What could it be? The simple notion that whatever comes to mind will be the binding thought that keeps you writing from the tip of your tongue? I am not sleep-walking like I thought I was, because I think back to the warm and twisted roads that led us further and further away from home. Headed into the known place down the unknown path that kept us reeling with excitement and love for the openness that we witnessed. It's an essence that swirls into my mind with sepia tones, relegating it to the place and time we'd still like to be living in. I have not been dead all these years like I sometimes think, I am observing. Looking, not judging, watching his & her mistakes, his & her successes, loves, heartbreaks, turmoil, happiness, rudeness, oddity, etc..etc..etc.. I am laughing at a message from a friend, learning to not be afraid of answers a-d and choosing "all of the above" when it feels right. I know for certain the things I wish I could have, the feeling of warmth that seemingly disappeared behind the car as we went back to point A and the destination was drawn in red on a little glass screen. Sometimes I find immense amounts of time to wonder "Why me?" But who else? I consider the saying one person's misfortune will be your blessing to be a misfortune in itself. I could never consider it a blessing had it caused someone else misfortune. I am losing time in my depression at things that won't matter and things that will matter. I am getting itchy bumps from stress and longing, but I am alive in those small oddities. I think back to the warm Styrofoam cup of tea outside of the hotel, watching the street move with red, blue, green, white, black, skin-color, legs, wheels, horns. It moved, and at night it danced. I miss the ease of wronged lyrics, the silliness of space, the heat, air, fields, gas stations, danger, living. I am living, but I've never lived so much as the sepia memories keep reminding me. I miss miss miss miss miss the feeling that came with a packed bag full of nonsense and a car-full of loving, silly, sweaty, smiling faces. It is this that reminds me that I will have more to come, perhaps I am just driving through a desert plateau.