Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

When does the time come when you thank God for the traits you so foolishly ignore in yourself? Is it when you're holding your sobbing best friend in your arms outside of an amusement park? Is it when you have to swallow the venom bubbling up in your throat to keep from killing the person who's words were so hurtful? Or is it when you have to watch a terrible nightmare over and over and over again without more than a whisper to try and stop the train-full of pain on its way. I have watched my best friend go from bad to worse with boyfriends and tonight I couldn't even verbally explain it without stumbling through my words in a frustrated jumble. SO, here's a letter to her that will hopefully more clearly explain it.

Dear A,
   For as long as I've known you, much of our friendship has revolved around boys. Not on my part, but on yours. I always admired your mysterious allure that caught the attention of the nerd or the jock alike. Tonight solidified what I've feared most in you. I always feared that my love, care, friendship, sisterhood, and pure adoration wouldn't be enough to sustain that insecure part of you that couldn't be quenched. I know because I see how badly you need him. I saw you lose it and take off running through the dark parking lot, bawling, yelping, moaning, as you cried because he's made everything all your fault. I held you tightly telling you, begging you, to see that it has never been your fault, that this time, listen to your best friend and know she wouldn't lie. Know, that it's not only unfair for you to go through these awful relationships, but also for me. I have had to watch as bruises showed up on your arms, cheeks, waist. I have had to watch as they yell at you or turn you into a smoking couch-potato. I have watched as they've used you and left you wobbling and somber, and I've watched as you look away when I pull with my teeth to get you to come to the other side. You won't budge. Why? When I'm right here, always waiting to catch you, lift you off the floor, drive you home, text you back, stay with you. Why would you need someone like him? You've had two "goodies" during the time span that I've known you (5 years) TWO. You've had many more boyfriends than that, but only two of them were worth it. They were the shortest lived. I would have given anything for the one who worked at the pizzaria, anything. He was sweet, a family oriented guy, smart, funny, handsome, etc... I was so jealous of you. He lasted about a month before you threw him off to date your current boyfriend. Why? I need you to be more for me now. I've put up with a lot of shit. Think that's selfish? Well, it's not because I have never faltered as your friend. I have never left even when you did the worst thing possible that one friend could do to another. I stuck around, because that's my job as your friend and I love you. I can't watch these scenes play out anymore, I can't believe that you're letting your mental health go to the shit over an adolescent boy. He's a boy not a man. He'll go just like the others did, eventually, but who will be here? Me. You've given him too much already, but when the time comes, try to hold on to something and learn a lesson instead of hitting repeat.
   Despite the fact that you hate being single (it would appear), there is someone out there for you just like there is for me. Look! I've gone 18 years without being in love, without a boyfriend, without a kiss. I'm fine. Yeah, sometimes I wish for it, but I know that the wait means only the best is yet to come. So, wait with me. It gets pretty lonely over here. Wait for him, and he will come along when you least expect it, and I pray to God he will make both of our lives a hell of a lot easier.