Old Hands

i feel like I have the hands of an old woman who has been knitting all her life and fixing ornate dinners for her family. Not a bad life, just a wrinkly pair of hands.

www.thefancy.com

392. denim jackets
393. butterscotch coffee with whipped cream
394. working out hard
395. keys that open doors I'm not usually allowed behind
396. my mother's artistic abilities
397. standing up to a drunkard at work who told me to "kiss (his) ass"
398. couch cushions
399. milk
400. the jingle bells my mom put on our front door so we know when someone enters the house
401. mechanical pencils
402. the feeling while chugging water
403. yes, this again.
404. making plans
405. San Francisco
406. cucumber yogurt hummus and pita bread from the farmer's market.
407. hair clips/ties
408. pens & pencils
409. emergency breaks (I don't know about you, but my car would straight up roll away)
410. justification, but only when it gets me to a good place
411. finding that perfect outfit
412. talking to some kind strangers about their beards
413. face wash
414. cups
415. water that heats up on its own
416. veggie burgers with pickles, mustard, american cheese, and field greens.
417. the look of ripe tomatoes
418. the smell of freshly dried clothes
419. the Oscars
420. being as gracious as I can in every moment that allows- otherwise, not being gracious and instead being sarcastic and loud.

Combine and Unwind

If there's one thing I can be certain about, it's baking.

 No matter how crazy, confusing, heartbreaking, chaotic, or emotional things get,  I know that if I mix butter, eggs, sugar, and flour that I will get a dough mixture to which I can add anything to. In this case, at 11:47 p.m., I've added oatmeal and chocolate chips. I know that when I roll this dough mixture into balls and put them in the oven, they will turn into flat fragrant disks of deliciousness. There is nothing else I can be so sure of. I'm never more confident than when I'm in the kitchen briskly walking back and forth to mix this with that, combine this in here, and put that over there. It's a science, but it's also more relaxing than any massage or hot bath- maybe that's just me. Baking: It does you good.

Fat Day, Hump Day

Today was fat day. I ate veggie-style, but I ate fat veggie style and added in a large chocolate chip cookie shaped heart (that was meant for my brother) and ate the whole thing. Fat day...like I said. I also saw "The Woman In Black" with my mom and it had the jumpy moments I'd expected, but sadly, the story line was a bit too typical. The jumpy moments were also very expected, I could tell when I should cover my eyes and plug my ears which I guess can be pinned on my obsession with scary movies and the fact that I've seen the best and the worst of them. Nevertheless, my mother enjoyed it and it had one of those uhhhm-cool-i-guess-that's-alright. endings.

372. gum- for when my breath smells like the onion that was in my Chipotle burrito.
373. gorgeous/model-esque friends
374. the $25 gift card I found whilst cleaning out my dirty dirty car.
375. stretchy waistbands
376. the end of the week
377. organics
378. Daniel Radcliffe, I appreciate him.
379. the smell of cigars
380. warmth
381. "things just don't grow if you don't bless them with your patience."- Emmylou
382. the word "grace"
383. thinking about baby names...for whatever reason. I've been doing it a lot lately.
384. spinach wraps.
385. ripe tomatoes
386. healthy hair (ironic since I've done every unnatural thing to mine.)
387. taking pictures
388. the memory of being in Bakersfield at Chipotle and it must have been 100 degrees outside.
389. SAN FRANCISCO
390. knowing something for certain.

this dress

391.

Happy Day

Happy Valentine's Day or S.A.D day (Singles Awareness Day), or regular day for those who care not to think about it. (ahem...) Here's the thing though, it's not just about YOU it's about everyone who loves everyone else. My mom got me "The Perfect Man" made out of hollowed milk chocolate and for her, I donated a flock of geese to the Heifer Project found here. Being a single mother, she is currently in the kitchen baking GIGANTIC chocolate chip heart cookies for my grandma and older siblings. Ain't a man in sight in this household.
Happy Valentine's Day for those who are in love with a significant other no matter if they're the same or opposite sex as you. Let's just celebrate love in general today because despite any nay-sayers or laws, love is loveisloveisloveisloveislove.
362. love
363. comfortable bras
364. the smell of cookies
365. cheap Greek olives from Trader Joes
366. 50 oz of water
367. sleep
368. love
369. chocolate
370. love
371. handmade valentines

Lookin' Good

Feeling creepy makes me quiet and think about things harder.


My room is nearly finished, the wood floors are in, a new four-post bed is now standing proud with new everything to go with/on it. It's quite lovely and I feel really lucky to have a mom who likes projects and follows through with them. I feel lucky for my bed and the light that comes in through the duvet covers so I can basque in my own mini fort when I am feeling lazy.


351. sweatshirts
352. creativity
353. keeping busy
354. laying awake with my ipod on shuffle
355. writing articles for the school magazine (even when I have no idea if they'll be published or not)
356. feeling older
357. cinnamon swirl bundt cake from here
358. batteries
359. a painting of the San Francisco skyline that I saw at Homegoods today...one that my mom said looked depressing.
360. being truly happy and excited for someone else
361. curtains

You're All Angry Too

Tonight was odd. It was slow and then it was too fast and I was hot and everyone seemed angry and impatient. I stopped caring and letting my feelings rule me whence dealing with angry people. People get angry over food that doesn't come right away, you know, for some it doesn't come at all. Some go days without it and that's what I can't stand about our kind. Sorry.
It was nice to see a familiar face in the hectic mash-up of my workplace, it makes me remember the real outside of the hot, angry, exciting, loving, pit that is the diner. We shared two meals, and I was still hungry, always hungry, like I'm feeding a worm within my body instead of my actual stomach.
Hopefully tomorrow will make more sense, now that the carpenters are gone and I can sleep in without worrying about having to answer the door straight out of sleep and with no bra. Tonight, I sleep on a mattress on the floor and tomorrow we find me a new bed.
Things are a bit weird, like I need and I don't all at once. Like, when I divulged my plans to move to SF as well in the next year, things got weird like suddenly I'm now some sort of stalker. I'm not, I swear. Perhaps I said it too eagerly or said it in a way that sounded desperate. I can't care anymore- there's too much to lose in caring. HOWEVER, tomorrow will be better and I hope I find myself in the yellow light with motivation and logic on my side.

Oh, Hey

The "carpet men" are back with two more in tow. The look on their faces when they walked in our yard to find all the carpet my mom had finished ripping out herself from yesterday was classic. The two newbies had no idea that we'd done it, but I could tell that the originals had no idea what the fuck we'd done. The entire upstairs was de-carpeted by my mom who also spent the entire night emptying our rooms and making it look like an abandoned haunted house. I spent this morning sweeping and piling the remainder of furniture out onto the balcony. Hmmm...two grown men weren't up for carrying the "heavy" furniture, but I carried my giant T.V., mattress, and boxes of all the heaviest shit all by my lonesome. Awesome, feels amazing. SO, to their surprise, our house was ready for their now semi-job to be done and one of them proceeded to open the garage door on my car MEANING, my car was parked in front of the garage, in plain sight, and this guy opens the garage, thus bumping the hood of my car and then coming to me to tell me that he "needs to open the garage" and that he "thinks my car is in the way". Stupendous job there. I moved my car, no damage done, and returned to the house where no one acknowledged our super hard work and our awesomeness for taking charge. I think that's the highest form of acknowledgement actually. ;) Now, don't get me wrong, had they done their job in the first place, and not acted like man babies, I would not be writing this, in fact I'd probably be writing about how the process is going along swimmingly, but they brought this unto themselves. I know plenty of hard-working and honest men, and these are not those men. SO bottoms up to the ladies out there who take charge and get shit done!


321. feeling cocky every once in awhile
322. when people say "please" and "thank you"
323. again, speaking/semi-understanding Spanish
324. baking for other people
325. SAN FRANCISCO (expect this at least on every other list)
326. waking up to find that I've been recruited for ModCloth's street team, something I applied for earlier in the month!
327. loose sweaters
328. Dove dark chocolate squares
329. the memory of being in Ghirardelli Square, San Francisco and having a fuckin' blast people watching and eating ice cream.
330. having the grumpy carpet man ask me to give him a box to put the remaining contents of a cabinet we already half emptied for them in. Then, me telling him that I already "emptied the heavy shit out for you" and then them finding their balls somewhere in my room and moving the damned thing.
331. making great plans with my mom
332. having a certain person, who I happen to fancy, come up with complete strangers (i.e. customers) when that person isn't even there.
333. hearing the disturbingly loud noises coming from upstairs and making up stories about what all those guys are doing up there.
334. picking up my guitar after not playing for months and still remembering where I'd left off.
335. waiting for the perfect moment to take a bath when construction people are in my house and I'm alone (never)
336. doing so much laundry that I have nothing to wear but skimpy workout shorts and a tiger shirt
337. letting my "inner tyrant out" as my mom has instructed me to do while I'm here alone.
338. imagining, just imagining.
339. wearing my glasses and being told I look Egyptian (didn't make sense to me, but I'll take it)
340.washing my hands
341. Talking to one of our regulars who is the old man who works across the street. We talk about everything and he's great.
342. sleeping on the couch with the cat instead of on the floor in the haunted house upstairs.
343. talking to my dogs like they're people and thinking that they totally understand what I'm saying
344. getting a full tank of gas
345. This
346. also this
347. "She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5
348. currently being huddled on my mom's bed with the dogs and the cat all laying around me (loud noises disturb everyone)
349. All the guys in Local Natives
350. new songs

Pound

My new glasses give me a headache- that's probably because I need to break them in. I wore them all day long, even though that's not completely necessary, but people seemed to like them and they made everyone notice my haircut and never notice the actual glasses. Weird. I'm sleeping on the couch tonight with the cat because my room is in shambles and my head is throbbing, but that's probably due to a Proactiv commercial featuring Justin Bieber that's on.
Acne never looked so...girly and plastic.

Carpets and Floors

This morning, I was laying about on the couch with no bra, fuzzy green sweats, and the kitten at my side when the doorbell rang. Well shit. I realized the carpet people decided to show up hours early and to my non-surprise,  I opened the door looking like a troll and asked if they were the "carpet men" they confirmed and I ran upstairs to find a bra before letting them in. These guys thought I didn't speak Spanish, so when they found that things were not to their standards for carpet-rippin' they spoke ill of me and my home to which I silently interpreted. I then was set to work by their boss who showed up and instructed me to get "the books, clothes,makeup, and toys (wtf toys? I'm 19!)" off the floor. I began to work like our positions  had been switched and further cleaned my spotless room which I spent hours on the night before. El jefe left and then the two men instructed me to empty all of the drawers and cabinets upstairs so their feeble muscles could lift/move furniture. Fuuuuck that I thought in my mind, I don't know if you know this (why would you) that I have four cabinets and four drawers in my room alone. My sister has round-about the same number, plus one giant cabinet in the hallway. These men were nuts. Whence my mother returned home, I told her of their instructions and how they had told me they would leave and come back tomorrow. For whatever reason, they stayed and ripped up the stairs and continued to talk in their "foreign" language about how we'd not moved enough shit out of the way. They worked and my mom and I set about clearing the "too heavy" furniture out of the way. Mind you, my mom is 49 and I am 19. We moved shit up and down by ourselves, not a drawer overturned. Finally, they gave up, finishing only the stairs and hallway and told us, after we'd moved everything out to my balcony (to our neighborhood board's dismay)  that they'd be back tomorrow. Currently, my mom is up in my sister's room ripping out the rest of the carpet all by herself, and I started in my room with a pair of blunt scissors and mere strength. She's also going a bit nuts and taking my bed apart and throwing all but the pillows, blankets, and mattress away. SO, I'll be sleeping on the floor until an Ikea trip is made. Whatever right? Still have a comfy mattress. The hard workers are not always the people in uniform, but the braless teen and the insanely strong bird woman. (my mom) We also plotted my future plans in San Francisco today so I'm glad she's finally all the way on board with the notion of me moving within a year. 

301. being vegetarian again

302. board n' brew's veggie supreme in a spinach wrap (sluuurp!)

303. coke zero

304. coconut 

305. bottled water

306. speaking Spanish

307. calling my car "baby" until I can get it to start properly (car troubles)

308. feeling like more of a man than the carpenters 

309. workers (seriously, this whole post is a little petty, but somethings are ridiculous enough to share)

310. sleeping on the floor

311. toothbrushes 

312. "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye

313. my "Hi How Are You" t-shirt

314. white nail polish

315. work (yeah I work til 1 am tonight, but at least it gets me off the couch)

316. cheese

317. finding nostalgic childhood books whilst cleaning my room ("Rain Babies", "Emma and Mommy Talk to God", "A Pony For Keeps", "ISpy", "Cinderella" (the dog version), "The Dog Who Found Christmas" and "Squids Will Be Squids")

318. getting covered in dust and not givin' two shits

319. a new bed

320. my dogs, who will go to many lengths to try and fight "the bad guys" who enter our house

Hey! 300!

In an effort to be lazy I decided during my early-bird English class that I wouldn't work out today. I'm sore as ever and I can hardly sit down without grunting and maneuvering awkwardly. After getting a tank of gas and cruising through the Starbucks drive-thru, I headed down the freeway and began to feel the weight of none other than guilt. Thus, I ended up in the parking lot in front of the work out studio and kicked my ass into gear and now I feel much better that I did so. I have the will!

288. guys who are good (and cute) with kids
289. washing machines (and drying machines too)
290. socks
291. windows and doors- think about your house, classroom, car, office, etc.. without them
292. roads- think about having only dirt roads with no signals, signs, or lanes.
293. locks (to keep safe and sound)
294. trash bags
295. sinks, refrigerators, and stoves
296.  streetlights
297. striped sweaters
298. shoes in general- doesn't matter the kind...except Crocs. Those are hardly ever appropriate.
299. makeup, hair products, and soap/shampoo.
300. being alive.

Vertical

Today I got my hair shortened in the back and re-damaged...ahem, re-chemically straightened (some pent up frustration with my past curls is evident here). I went to math class and was called out in front of the class for being "too quiet" and was to answer the question: which line would x=10 be on? Some kid in the class said "horizontal" so I let the answer hang in the air and then answered "horizontal." The professor said "No, don't listen to them, they don't know what they're talking about...look in your notes" I turned and flipped nervously, all eyes on me, and I wasn't even really looking in my notes more than I was panicking and hoping the answer would come up and slap me in the ass.Finally, with direction, I found the notes and answered "Vertical" WOW REALLY INDIA? THERE WERE ONLY TWO ANSWERS IT COULD HAVE BEEN AND YOU GOT THE FIRST TRY WRONG AND THEN LOOKED THROUGH YOUR NOTES FOR 6 WEEKS TO FIND THE OTHER 50%????!!!
Anyways, I was slightly red and embarrassed, but then got over it quite quickly. Pick on the girl with the glasses why don't ya?
It wasn't a bad day, but I've got lots of reading to catch up on and my room to clean so that some guy can come measure the floors tomorrow. This basically means that I'll be piling everything on my bed.
Also, I've been waiting for that "breaking point" I've been talking about to hit me in the gut, but even when I tried to force myself to cry for good measure, one tear trickled and then I was over the notion of crying for no reason. I won't cry because I've lost my oldest friend, I'll just know that what happens happens and I was better for separating myself from the situation. I'll be independent and move on and she can have all the boyfriends in the world.
243. Rachel McAdams
244. tomato sauce
245. iTunes
246. coconut milk or "drink"
247.  having a weird sense of contentment/hopefulness despite unfortunate happenings
248. Here
249. the drive-thru baristas at Starbucks
250. telepathy (yeah, I sorta believe in it)
251. being able to see the moon
252. Vitamin E oil
253. "Someone Like You" by Adele coming on in the hair salon full of women and the room sort of going quiet in its presence
254. warm water
255. worrying ---- waiting-----adjusting---loving
256. when a little white lie works and gets me out of trouble
257. having a group of three girls see me and call me a hipster when they think I can't hear them and me silently punching them in the boobs with in my mind.
258. cutting ties that need to be cut
259. carrying heavy things and not needing help
260. smooth skin
261. the thought of packing up boxes full of my things and going off to create something new.
262. the DMV surprising me with a letter containing a $132 registration fee and me just laughing at it.
263. ATMs
264. the smell of sand
265. trying new things
266. catching my mom watching "Toddlers in Tiaras" and her threatening to call child services on their ass
267. dogs
268.laughing at ridiculous people when in the past I would have dwelt on their judgments and absences.
269. guys who can sing in high-pitched yet soft voices
270. Emma Watson
271. nonfat vanilla latte on a rainy day
272. The Gypsy Den
273. "mint green sorbet" nail polish
274. tights
275. that first glance
276. uncontrollable smiles
277. real people
278. gay marriage - that's so so so so exciting! It's about damn time non?
279. the smell of my dad's Jeep (one of my few childhood memories of him)
280. blueberry muffins & everything bagels with cream cheese
281. getting undressed with my middle school yearbook opened on the floor and being embarrassed that all my past fellow classmates were seeing me naked.
282. reassurance
283. free education in Austria
284. all the stupid-as-shit shows that come out of TLC
285. tortilla chips
286. wanting so badly to raise my hand when my math professor asked who in the room was a vegetarian
287. windshield wipers

To: Indy From: The Golden Girls.

There's an episode of "The Golden Girls" on right now- the one where Dorothy is running around with a married man and Rose thinks it's awful and Blanch sympathizes. Dorothy says she doesn't care because she's
"in love and if compromises have to be made, then so be it...I'm happy." I'm not completely on board with Dorothy. I like the happiness part, but being happy is selfish to some extent if it compromises someone else in a negative manner.

243. reading articles like "5 Grossest Thins You're Eating" and finding out that grains have dissolved human hair in them from China...or feathers, if you'd rather.
244. face wash
245. maxi-skirts
246. expressive people
247. cardigans
248. kitten purrs
249. "The Golden Girls" ( and the idea of always having a cheesecake in the fridge in case of an "emergency")
250. bangs
251. my new glasses (make me look like I'm "24" according to my mother)
252. "500 Days of Summer"
253. going out to dinner
254. "Bookworm" by Margot & the Nuclear So and So's
255. writing
256. Betty White
257. bubble wrap
258. "Strip Me" by Natasha Bedingfield
259. going to the movies
260. the girl that I consider to be really cool in my magazine journalism class. (She's really nice and fashionable and soft-spoken)
261. Kenan Thompson
262. stirfry
263. being tired and sleeping through the night (a rarity nowadays)

4:19 P.M.

I slept in and overslept and missed my 6am class. I was having a dark dream with just the sound of my mother's voice telling me to "get downstairs now!" and that's what awakened me to the light streaming in through my window. This set me into a "holy-shit-I've-slept-in-too-fucking-late!!" state of mind. I freaked out and called my mom at work for whatever reason to tell on myself. (why the fuck did I do that?)
She wasn't mad, in fact I think she found it as odd as I do that calling her was the first thing I did out of panic. I digress,
I woke up as class would've been ending and once I came to terms that it's not a big deal, I went downstairs like my dream mother had demanded of me and had some cereal and went to workout. I decided this week I'm going to lose 5lbs. I also decided that today will be a great day because after emailing my professor and apology for not being in class, she emailed back informing me that the essay I talked about before has again been delayed for turn-in until next Monday. Can I get a fuck yes??
I'm also amped for my "much needed" hair cut tomorrow- I have no idea what I'm doing with it, but that problem is insignificant. I'm excited for my glasses to  get in and even more excited to get to the end of this week. LET US DO THIS!
224. the "Lord of the Rings" trilology
225. forcing myself to workout
226. goals
227. technology and also not since my alarm not going off was the cause of such worry this morning.
228. the smell of cigars
229. "a few beers"
230. Trader Joe's
231. quiet
232. "Stranger Things" by Local Natives
233. monotone hilarity
234. Stanley from "The Office"
235. cute pictures
236. wantingwantinghatingwantingwanting
237. real food- the kind that can't be heated in the microwave.
238. Pandora
239. the month of March
240. free coffee
241. looking like a hot mess and trying to fix and fix myself until I just don't give a shit anymore and go to the store for bananas looking like I got there via a tornado that spit me out.
242. John Krasinski

Listless

 Eagerness was behind it today, quick, fleeting eagerness and all I listen to is "Margot and the Nuclear So and So's"
191. procrastination
192. nearness
193. "Margot and the Nuclear So and So's"
194. potato skins
195. water
196. knowing
197. piles
198. meaning well, but doing other things instead
199. explaining myself to not explain myself
200. fingers & toes
201. happy babies
202. sincere laughter
203. dancing
204. pretending I know things that I don't
205. bloody marys
206. apple juice in those round plastic bottles
207. walnut apple salad
208. changing all the time
209. being myself
210. meeting someone for a specific reason and being like "wow, that's fate"
211. the grumpy old couple who are always grumpy and get onions in their scrambled eggs
212. slipping/tripping/falling
213. jokes
214. sharing
215. my collection of ticket stubs
216. old TOMS
217. acoustic guitar
218. sleeping in
219. being afraid of the too-early morning
220. shirts tucked in
221. being comfortable even if it doesn't look great
222. two blankets
223. electricity

 "If you wake up in the morning, and you can't think anything but singing, then you should be a singer, girl"
                                                                                                         - Sister Mary Clarence ("Sister Act Two")
Do you think the same holds true with people? You can't think of anyone but that person...you're supposed to be with/ near them? Okay, I'm done!!

To the Okays

I thought a moment like the one had over a vegetarian sandwich at a small corner table would bring me to tears. The realization that we're only ever going to be one way for a little longer and then I'll be left. I talked of how I've lost my best friend and how, even though her and I are going to "try to fix things" tomorrow night, that I will never be able to be the same with her again. I confessed that she accused us of cheating and he confessed that his girlfriend gets jealous and that we all need to hang out to prove our innocence.;) I felt almost freed from my emotional guilt, not that we've done anything, but I felt like we both put it all out on the table: There's nothing going on. It's okay, it made me feel like we both pushed a cement block out of the way and it felt good to promise that I would never do anything like cheat and that I'd never want his girlfriend to feel threatened or jealous. He seemed relieved by that and that made me feel secure in an odd way- thankful that we were having time to talk in a more serious manner. He understood everything I said and apologized for the unfortunate situation I'm in, but as he apologized, I felt like I had so much that I could burst. I lost a little, but it's like getting  $500  and accidentally dropping $20 on your way to the bank. It sucks, you wonder how you could be so thoughtless, but you still have $480 to be thankful for. (Who says I can't do math?) I felt okay, like we were okay officially- no unspoken boundaries that were very thin-lined with curiosity, and by the way both of our noses crinkled when the topic of us cheating with one another came up-well, it made me laugh. It made me laugh because I know the nose crinkles were phony, that we do have a little something that only the two of us share, but I could tell we were both trying to convince ourselves of something very minor.
At the same time, however, I do feel a little hollow with V-Day coming up, I can't help it. I feel a little bit anxious and ever since our host/my bud at work got a girlfriend despite his self-doubt and exclamation of un-attractiveness, I began to feel rushed, like I needed someone right there and then...but I don't. I have people, and my "significant other" that will someday come along is not here and I don't/won't dwell. on it- I can just find comfort in friendship.
As for tomorrow night, I'll leave work to talk things over with my best friend to see if we can fully express ourselves face to face. The way I see it, the story ends in a grim manner, but not entirely. ;) I'll still have my good-enough-for-me-ever-after.
182. friendship
183. new T-shirts
184. security
185. eye contact (sometimes)
186. truths
187. venting
188. being completely open and forgetting who you're talking to
189. sincerity
190. love.

bePositive

Perspective, Perspective, Perspective

by Harbar @ www.thefancy.com

I need to work on keeping myself grounded, because today I pouted after calling the optometrist and being told my glasses won't be in until next week, calling my eyebrow waxing lady and finding out she was on jury duty, and being put through a workout that was a pain in the ass (literally). These things are all privileges and I shouldn't complain because there are a million people who would be comforted by knowing they'd be getting glasses at all and who's last concern would be getting their eyebrows waxed. I need to prioritize things and put them into perspective more often. SO, here's the list of the major and minor things that make me happy and keep me positive...and then things I'm extremely thankful for.
167. Harry & David fruit of the month (gifted by my grandmother)
168. Vegan cinnamon raisin bread
169. hair ties
170. hot wax
171. razors (clean shaven!)
172. sarcasm- honestly, I don't know what I'd do without it, but I'm sure people would prefer me without it. ;)
173. milk
174. my Laura Marling band T-shirt (there is a man/dog with a penis on it...that's why I can't wear it to work :( )
175. tips
176. Something Silver- the jewelry store that carries fair-priced accessories and the store I splurged at last week by getting a black pearl/sterling silver ring.
177. lotion
178. writing songs
179. the camera on my iPhone where I record all my songs since I can't write music
180. getting 49/100 on my math exam when I thought I'd get no higher than 19/50
181. "Breathe Me" by Sia

It Came With A Bag

by Chris Moore www.etsy.com

I read a note written on a mini scroll, something that delighted me. Also, the fact that you showed up utterly delighted me as I ate my mediocre veggie wrap. So, thank you for the crinkled In-N-Out bag with the Girl Scout goodies as well as the empty styrofoam coffee cup. ( i didn't understand it, but I'll take it as a symbol and here's what it symbolizes: you give me an empty cup because you know at the moment I feel empty, thus the cup needs to be filled. I need to fill it- give it a soul- a purpose. I need to fill the gaps. okay? cool).
Surprises are the greatest, especially because I didn't realize how lonely I was feeling until I was briefly surprised, and that was enough. I digress, I read the note and smiled a lot and wanted to cry a lot because it mentioned all the things we could do this weekend like go to our favorite trendy place and it mentioned "promise cookies" which I thought was great. In general, things have been building up and it doesn't help that I'm as bloated as a balloon, eating everything in sight, and wanting to be wanted. (Can you guess what I'm going through for the next 3-5 days??) Anyway, I needed something to make me face the loneliness that has been brought unto me since my quick release from friendship-dom. Then I realized, I haven't lost all that much, because I still have people who have done more for me and care more for me than the one lost soul. You are great and you are also surrounded by people who would jump in front of a bus for you and surprise you mid veggie wrap. ;)

157. crinkled surprises
158. getting off work 3.5 hours early
159. letting anger make me brave and letting circumstance make me strong
160. people who are great
161. face lotion
162. confronting emotion
163. "I Have Nothing" by Noah and the Whale
164. knowing that tomorrow will be better for certain (This is a HUGE thing to be thankful for)
165. strength
166. "prayer and good weather"

Get it Together

Tired and dragging day- one with cold feet and everything there, but nothing to wear. This is why the list is useful, because I need the reminder, the push, poke, and nudge to get me back into the yellow light. I have math class today where the grade of my test will be revealed to me :(((( and work straight after until 1am. yellowyellowyellowlight

143. my simple wheat pasta creation: Italian olives, fresh basil, mini tomatoes, sauce, and cucumbers all mixed up with the pasta. Soooo goood.
144. "Adventureland" I'm a sucker for the romantic comedies...and for Kristin Stewart.
145. Kristen Stewart's body- I have a hard girl crush on her and her body makes me want to be a better person.
146. honey ( i put it on a lot of everything)
147. chipped nail polish (it's under-appreciated)
148. eyeliner- it's a face changer
149. being bra-less- that end of the night when you just pull that sucker off and hang free.
150. Skinny Cow ice cream. Yeah, sure it's still ice cream, but it's for people who need the reassurance of the word "skinny" like me.
151. America's Next Top Model- my guilty pleasure
152. sunshine
153. haircuts- I've been trying to grow out my hair, but i can no longer be patient. chop chop cut!!
154. deodorent - such a simple product, but can you imagine if we didn't have it??
155. tweezers (see deodorent)
156. having a car. I feel I take advantage of that now that I have one, but then I think of myself when I didn't (earlier last year) and how much of a difference it has made.

Farmer's Market

bsinthekitchen @ www.thefancy.com

It's been too long San Juan farmer's market...too long.
After dropping off three black trash bags full of my unwanted clothing/books to Salvation Army, my mother and I ventured to San Juan to get our hands on the artisan crafted this, and the freshly-picked that. The scent of strawberries and sweet kettle corn lingered in the air and people perused up and down the stretch of tents. Freshest flowers, fruit, veggies, and bread you've ever let your senses molest. We got this and that from the veggie tents as well as a basket of those red juicy strawberries, but I was most eager to get to the hummus tent. (Woah, I think those are two of the most beautiful words ever written: hummus. tent.) Ice displays full of every kind of hummus you could ever want. Flavors and flavors- the only kind I tried and didn't like was the "vegan curry"- a little disappointed by that, but nonetheless we got hung up on the 3 for $12 deal and purchase Kalmative Olive, Garlic herb, and artichoke hummus with a pack of freshly baked pita chips. Are you drooling yet?
The tent over had freshly baked goods and the woman immediately told us that "everything was baked late last night or this morning" HAZAH! I picked up a loaf of cinnamon raisin bread which I'm sure will be gone by the end of tomorrow. You know it's good when you can smell it through the bag. Our haul was grand and we ended up with a bunch of fresh natural food- the kind I love. Avocados, mini cucumbers, strawberries, hummus, and broccoli now inhabit the fridge and modestly brag about how fresh they are to the packaged food. I love it all.
Stay fresh.

List Go

Today is better and today is also something new. Here's to the list

126. letting go- realizing that people are people and those people will only reveal themselves when pushed into a corner.

127. new people- being with people who seem new every time you see them and meeting new people who seem to fill in the gaps.

128. soft pillows

129. "The First Day of Spring" by Noah and the Whale

130. boot socks- they're giant and soft

131. thrifted treasures- I found a thrift store sweater in my garage last night and wore it to my 6am class.

132. Starbucks (and the overheard advice of the barista to put cinnamon in iced coffee) 

133. getting annoyed and then calming myself with better thoughts, like: it's okay, everyone has issues.

134. blueberry pancakes on Sunday morning

135. the sound of violins/cellos/and other string instruments.

136. when a song plays that accurately sums up a situation I'm in

137. the smell of basil

138. memories that come flooding into my head and cause a smile

139. feeling badass when I drive to The Black Keys

140. scary movies

141. clean floors

142. Ciao Pasta