Tuesday, May 10, 2011

"cosmic love"

Today I sat alone and didn't give a shit. Literally could have cared less. I was early for a test due to my mom's inability to schedule things in an organized manner (love you mom), and I sat down listening to Florence Welch kick ass with her mystical vocals, and just didn't care. Flashback: about a year ago (probably less) in this exact situation I would have nervously fumbled for my phone sending text messages to myself and pretending to have some long-ass conversation with some imaginary person JUST TO LOOK LIKE I WASN'T LONELY. I laugh. But today, I sat until my space was swarmed with lunch goers who found me to be an intrusive oddity to their luncheon spot. I moved to a wall and stared at my feet until suddenly there were people I knew around me. I had no idea they were even there. I'm somewhat convinced that I sucked myself into my own brain for a good half an hour and thought of absolutely nothing...like a brain recharge or something. Anyways, point is that I'm not that desperate-to-prove-people-know-me-and-i-have-friends-and-i'm-not-lonely girl anymore! Three cheers!! I'm probably on some path to independence which I should have dragged my ass onto long ago, but now that I'm about to graduate, I guess I'm just completely unamused by strangers' opinions of me. Listen up, go sit by yourself somewhere in public. Seriously, just go sit if you're somewhat like me and are realizing that sitting alone is almost breaking a social norm. It's "normal" to be in a pack or with a pal all the time, and when we're not, we feel really super awkward (I do!!!!) and then when you're reunited with your big bad friends, you feel indestructible. Go let your brain recharge and breathbreathbreathbreathbreathbreath/ lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove yourself.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^                                          Recharge  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

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