It's 2:35 a.m. and this is when I have time to think about it.
It was 1:30 a.m. and I was in the kitchen at the diner blasting "Sun Hands" by Local Natives and thinking that it would make everything...for everyone better. I felt okay, zipping around, picking up plates, wiping the counter, punching in orders, and filling coffees, things felt okay. I didn't need Adele to sing my sweet woes to keep them at bay. Granted, there's a different vibe in the air, but this one isn't killing me like past ones have...and I guess that's why it scares me the most.
I'm calm, but there's tension in my neck and shoulders. I'm placid, but at random moments my stomach will jump and twist. I'm functioning, but exhaustion will sometimes creep up on me. It's a strange string of events. I feel like everything will be okay, that there's nothing to worry about and what will be, will be. I feel like a professional tight-rope walker, but there's still always the chance of one misstep and a tumble to the death. I keep asking myself why I'm so calm, why things are feeling okay when usually they'd be feeling out of control and depressing. I'm asking myself if there's something wrong, is there something wrong? No.
Nothing wrong, I poke and prod at myself to make sure I'm still twitching with life- I listen to all the sad songs and then only desire to listen to the happy ones. Something happy for me is going to happen I think. I don't know what it is, and it will probably be completely random, but I feel something positive on the horizon. I've been putting theLaw of Attraction to work-keeping myself up when the odds want me down. I like it this way, I feel good things instead of bad, and the actions of others won't affect my being. I have control over what I will be like every day, so here's to thoughts that come at 2 am when I smell like a greasy spoon.
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