Five Hour Class

Tonight was something special.

I spent time being led into the near future by the people who will show up just there. We basically did nothing for five hours except enjoy each other's company, cheap wine, and milk chocolate. There was nothing unsatisfying about it: I could see the family picture being formulated before me and it made me want to jump into tomorrow with all the willingness I could bear to carry with me. I've decided that fears become more menacing when they become conquerable. It's better to believe that they're the things of which we shall not speak and so that way there is no reasonable way to acknowledge them. I feel braver, but with knocking knees that teeter and bend at gravity's will. I teetered myself as we went to pick up hot bowls of vegetarian phu and a movie from Redbox ("What's Your Number?"- cute enough). I was open to everything and realized that sometime awkward does win over a heart or at least a tipsy heart. I laughed whole-heartedly and watched her presentation time and time again in hopes that it would help to conquer the fear of public speaking. She was vulnerable and nervous, but we helped one another and I think her presentation will go swimmingly tomorrow. I felt free to use the bathroom even though I knew everyone could hear me piss through the thin walls and I felt lucky to be young without the thought of getting old. I felt classy and tan and happy and alive to be alive. :) Yes, alive to be alive.
I met our third addition to a SF apartment whose name is R. (for privacy reasons) and he seems like all the man we need to keep us safe in the big city. I felt happy to make eye contact and unwary of other eyes on me when I wasn't looking. Chocolate has never tasted so good and a drive home has never been so nerve-wrecking. I think I'll be okay- I think we're all going to be okay as long as we soak up the good company we keep and steal some good bits and pieces from the people around us...just to borrow. Just to know that we can be a little bit of everyone's happy.