Sucked In

Where was Florence when I needed "Cosmic Love" to start playing in the background?
Where was Michelle Williams' confidence and Molly Ringwald's modest charm when things began to escalate? The touch of our hands alone frightened me and suddenly my bones were of rigid steel pipe and my heart had suddenly been pumped of every ounce of my blood. I wasn't excited, I'm a fortune teller with certain things: I knew it was coming, I knew it was why he had asked me to walk to the beach with him, and I knew it was inevitable. Suddenly we were there, he was kissing me eagerly and almost roughly with a smack and smooch that's only heard in cartoons. My eyes were wired shut until I felt it should have stopped and then they opened to the overcast sky. I waited as he pushed me against a thin, cold railing, the small of my back arched and my front shaping like an "S" up his body. I felt nothing. I felt awkward and weird, but where was my princess-diaries-foot-popping-fireworks-exploding- spark? The walk home wasn't bad, but as we stood in the cold in the driveway where our friends could see us, I was sucked into the wetness of his kiss and the rough scratch of his scruff. I wanted to stop and to crawl into the backseat of my car alone and to just stop everything except for my out-of-sync breathing.
They knew, and with smirks made snide comments about how strong the wind must have been to tousle my hair in such a way. A concern furrowed across her brow, all joking aside, and she instructed me to drink water to cleanse out the alcohol. They went to bed and the feeling was like watching mom drive away in the mini-van on your first day of elementary school.
WAIT! YOU'RE NOT STAYING!?? NO! WAHHHHH!!! THIS ISN'T REAL. HE'S A STRANGER! MOTHER! MOM! MOM!
like that. (this was all said within my head)
We sat in silence as I tinkered with my wood beaded bracelets and his eyes pierced my skull with such intensity that I thought I'd disappear. It felt unreal as the room swirled and meshed with all the wrong things. He stared and said nothing as if willing my bra to  fall off.
Suddenly, he was on top of me and that Smooch! SMACK!SMOP! SMOOSH! SMACK!SLURP! SMOOOOUUUCH! was happening again and I was wondering if I'd ever get free.
A hand found its way up my skirt and under my tight boxer shorts (I'm sexy and I know it) and grasped me around my hip. I was hyper-sensitive to it all, I could hear, feel, taste, touch, smell, everything and i prayed for Florence's brilliant melody to suddenly sweep me up. It did not.
I used the excuse of being tired (which I REALLY was) to get him to calm himself and go to bed. He slurped on my face once more before going to his room and leaving me to myself in the bathroom where I quickly locked the door. Creeping back to the couch, he showed up again and asked if I'd like to sleep with him and my answer was no. i felt nothing except the gas building, twisting, and maiming my insides and making puke seem like my greatest ally. I will leave it here and resume with the morning after in the morning. There is much to be discussed still.