Friday, April 27, 2012

How Are You?

I'll be starting a new blog once I move to document life in the city ( as if there aren't enough of those already), but for now, I have been, and will continue to document life here.
Lately I feel different. Different how? Well, different in that things seem like puzzle pieces. Some of them fit together and when they don't I squirt them with water and mush them together so that they will fit. I want things to fit- work out, run-together, and flow smoothly. I want to love my new roommate like a sister, something that is happening slowly yet surely. I want my mom's move to Santa Barbara to run smoothly, because she deserves it and I'm happy that she's beginning to find herself at 48.
It seems that my first kiss has set me ablaze inside and now I want to be noticed by guys all the time and I want them to kiss me too. I want to go on dates, meet new people, and spend all my money. I want it to be summer, I want to play in the city streets  and drink until I'm dizzy. I want to smoke so that I can relax and I want to kiss more guys on the beach after city curfew. There are a lot of things making me feel older and more worried. I worry about being fired from my job all the time now and I guess that has something to do with our manager hiring several new people who, by the way, are nowhere near as cool as we are. ;) I worry about relationships, how do I look, clothes, food, eating, working, playing, money, pets, family, gas, foot pain, breaking out, breaking up, and everything else that comes with being a worry wart. I'm in a desperate mood to go to a concert (ANY CONCERT) where I can get sweaty and sway to words I may or may not know. I'm eagerly awaiting the next album from "Local Natives" and learning how to wear my hair in a tiny ponytail. I'm learning to drive when I'm high and how to push away from the closeness of others and sometimes how to embrace it. I'm learning that I don't like other people's tongues in my mouth and that a broken down washing machine is a terrible inconvenienve, but not something that will keep me from wearing whatever clothes I want (dirty or not).
I've been being accepted by a lot of people who have no inclination or obligation to do so, but here we are.
I've been pretending a lot lately too. I pretend to like things that I don't so I can be relatable, because something I've discovered about myself is that I'm not really all that relatable at all. This is your city! she said, remarking at my next to nothing knowledge of where things are in SC. I just recently had Pedro's Tacos for the first time, drank beer, watched "Office Space", played card games, and made out. All of these wonderful things I've been missing out on or holding off on, I don't know, but I think I'm becoming better and worse at the same time. I  miss people who I haven't seen (yes, that's you) and miss people who I have. I feel like I'm constantly grasping at the edge of sleep while my legs sprint ahead of me. I asked a guy with kind eyes out at Starbucks by putting my number on a dollar bill (turns out he has a gf). I'm sporatic and loney, silly, and uncomfortable. I want it all.

No comments:

Post a Comment