CharacterisTICKS

Let's put something out into the open, something I don't much talk about due to its oddness and its undiagnosed peculiarity. I had (have) a tick. It's gotten much better, but it used to be terrible, debilitating, and utterly uncontrollable. I never talked about it because I figured acknowledging it would only make matters worse, as if the tick knew I was talking about it and also because it was probably blatantly obvious to those around me, thus, there was no need to talk about it. It's somewhat hard to describe without sounding too wordy, but what I do know is that it feels like I'm losing all control, as if I'm falling out of an airplane with now parachute. Mostly it happens when I'm alone in a large group/crowd of people (oxymoron), I should say when I'm in a crowd of strangers, particularly if those strangers make me feel very insecure or if they're staring- which is mostly in my head. Here's what happens:
I get very tense in the neck/shoulder region VERY tense as if you could peel the skin right off my back. Then, a tremor whips through the back of my neck, my spinal cord acting as an electrical line. The tremor throws itself up to the top of my spinal cord and causes my entire head/neck to shake. A mini earthquake within my body. It usually causes me to sit most of the time with my chin rested in the palm of my hand, as that seems to hold the pieces together. Sometimes it gets bad, to the point where I feel glued to the inside of my hand and if I look either which way, an earthquake will erupt.
I've looked the symptoms up and all I have found is that it's a nervous tick of sorts. It's gotten better, but it still sweeps over me at times when I'm feeling like everyone is looking, judging, staring, comparing etc...
Why am I saying this now?- Because I've never said it before and because i want my tick to know that I know it's there and that I am talking about it in front of other people. Ironic.