Newness

Why am I awake with something that feels like heartburn, but isn't, and the notion that in three hours I'll have to be up and dressed? The power is out and the fan that keeps me company every night (rain/shine) is of no use to me and that makes my skin hot and my mind worry. I need that soft buzzing noise to lull me to sleep. I packed a bag halfway in the powerless darkness and tried on "on-the-road" outfits to make sure I'd feel as secure as possible at 3am. Someone new will be knocking at my door, someone new with new potential and new awkwardness. I'm excited and ancy and I have a pink Rockstar drink packed in my purse with two "porn star" vodka shots in a zipper pocket. I don't know what I'll do with those, but there they are. I don't know what I'll say in a six hour space of open road and newness at the wheel, but if I didn't put myself in that place then I'd never know anyways, so there's that bit of good news. I'm jittery like a school girl and no amount of corny music can satiate it. He is a monkey wrench in my brain and in my future, but I think probably not knowing is my favorite feeling ever. Wish me luck.