Bliss

Tomorrow is the first day I dance alone for the first time in a long time. Preparation has included cleaning my room ( I can see my floor again!), shopping, and trying to find the right attitude to approach it all with. Over a sophisticated breakfast of Life cereal (ironic isn't it?), I watched the movie  "Whip It", which has this weird hold on me. I've seen it 8,000 times, yet every time I watch it, I re-fall in love with Ellen Page's character Bliss. When first my friend and I saw the movie in theaters, we found eerie similarities between ourselves and the main characters Bliss and Patch. I look similar to Patch and she to Bliss, but with opposing personalities. Point is, I want to become more like Bliss. She's sarcastic yet endearing and doesn't really give a shit about what people may or may not think about her. It's like she knows who she is, what she's about, and what's important to her. The big thing with me is that i care too much what strangers think about me. I care about what the girl across the classroom is thinking about my hair or the boy in the back of the room about my body. Was my answer stupid? Did I say the wrong thing? Dumb question? I'd like to go into college as a different version of myself. Confident that I am really only there to get on with my life, only there to obtain the credits I need to start my engines, and perhaps to meet some influential people. Mostly, I'm wanting to just be me and stop trying to please every person with one of my many made up versions of myself. I've created the "family" version, "friends" version, "school" version, "work" version, and "trying-to-attract-that-cutie-sitting-across-the-room" version. It's too many, you see. My goal for this year is to compile all of those versions of myself (giving and taking along the way), to become the best possible version of myself, which is in fact very similar to Bliss. I have a feeling I won't be able to sleep tonight and that I'll trip balls all the way up the freeway to school tomorrow, but it's the first chapter of a new story and I'm gonna take it on with all of me in stride.