Not Goodbye, It's See You Later

I don't want to realize it when it's gone. I want to reach out and trace it back two years, a month, a day. I want it all back because, like an idiot, I assumed it'd go on for as long as I willed it to. I cried on the way home, I let the lump in my throat swell like a bruised limb and the fat tears rolled. It's too late to say that I miss it all, because I've missed everything all along. I've missed the moments that I knew would pass by in a matter of hours at the very moment they were occurring. I was always just hoping that somehow we'd be able to stop and fast forward all at the same time so that this gap would cement itself up before it got the chance to widen. I'm really going to miss these specific feelings that come with feeling whole and perfect all the time. Not in myself, but in the knowledge that everything around me, my friends, were whole and perfect just as they were strange and uncouth. That last hug goodbye sent a fleeting signal to my brain that it's not camp that is taking them away, but reality. They won't come back with great stories about ghosts and incinerated marshmallows, but with really great stories about their lives. We did get to sit around the table for the last time,but I couldn't hear the voices, I just thought about the faces. I thought about trying to compress their features into my memory so that when I feel the earth's crushing weight, I can pull these kind faces up and return the world to my equilibrium. I cry not only because it's hard to let go, but because it's hard to move on. It'll be hard to wake up to something new and even harder to begin college with such an upset to the wholesome circle of friends that has completed me in more ways than I can say. The only comfort I grasp is that we'll always be friends, as corny as it sounds. Sometimes you just have those gut feelings, and while I can't say what will happen in the meantime, I can say that in the long run, we'll stay together. We've made it this far...what's a couple of states? Thanks for changing my life my loves. <3 Go get 'em.