Sunday, April 10, 2011

Give Me A Reason Not To.



I have to write a second time today because I can't stop thinking, and when that happens, I need to spill  before my brain gurgles and jolts. today ends spring break. did I not mention that earlier? Well, yes, it ends today. I've never had a more brilliant spring break in the entirety of my short life. You know this because I pretty much recounted every moment of it on this here blog. BUT that's not what I'm talking about. Today I realized that out of my entire family (the immediate family...not the rich side. ;) I'm the only one who seems to be chomping at the bit, dizzying myself with aspirations, and the question of where to go next. I don't plan on staying here, not in the slightest, and my 19 year old sister doesn't either, but I'm thinkin' that I'll be taking flight before she will. Granted I'll still be in college when she graduates, but I'm also willing to live off of Koolaid and stale bread in order to just be on my own. I know, I know, I'm that typical teen vowing to get outta town with and attitude. Leave everyone in the dust while I smudge on my thick black eyeliner and tug on my leather jacket and ugg boots. Non. Here's the thing. I'm oddly...different from your average teen. I do stupid shit, say stupid shit, and act like a baby sometimes, but on a regular basis, I'm pretty prone to level-headedness. I should thank my mom for that. She brought us all up in a "tough shit" environment where you rub dirt on your cuts and cuddle sessions with the siblings came...never. We love each other to the furthest galaxy and back, but we also like to beat each other up routinely. Anyways, what I'm saying is that today...I baked chocolate chip cookies. I didn't go  on a rant about not being understood by all adults in the universe and wahhh wahhhh I want a new cell phone and boohoo I need new jeans. (not that my thick ass can fit in those at the moment. ;) Basically, I'm ready to be independent. I'm so ready to just say 'hey, I'm gonna go out for a walk/drive and then I'm going to go meet up with friends at 9:00 p.m and then I'm gonna go buy a tub of Ben & Jerry's. AND EAT IT ALL!" to that would come complete silence, because I'd be living on my own schedule. If I wanted to drive to New York, I could  without the questions, safety measure talk, and nagging. I could just go. I've become extremely prone to instant annoyance with my family (not the kind described above) just the kind that comes when I play 20 questions before walking out the door, the "what are you doings" when clearly I am doing laundry. I don't like being so easily annoyed, but it's also because I'm different from the rest of my family. They find it antisocial that I'd rather lay on my floor listening to music than sit with them on the couch watching TV. They find that I'm always "angry" because I'm not constantly smiling. So, I think it'd be in everyone's best interest if this bird got to fly far enough away that the distance would make the heart grow fonder and more appreciative. I want to live in a different city (San Francisco, New York, Boston, or even L.A.) as long as I could live in that apartment made famous by an early post. ;) It will happen, this year has flown by. Let's do that twice more and awayyyyyy she goes.

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