Someday when I reach the heavenly gates God is going to say: "Shame upon thou for committing one of the seven deadly sins." At that point in time I will rack my brain for the things I've done that would provoke such a "greeting." I've never been overly proud, gluttonous, lustful, wrathful...sloth-like, greedy or...oh, envy. I know that feeling for shizzle. I look at pictures of people and friends and find that they are so pretty, adventurous, lucky, loved, creative, witty, rich, beautiful, popular, fashionable, skinny, and cool. At this point I promptly go scour the kitchen for something chocolatey or something that contains the word "Ben" or "Jerry" on it. Then I realise that the only thing I want to be is everything that I'm not. How insane is that? Am I a girl or WHAT? This is a tragedy my friends and I know I'm not the only person who will die with a big green stamp across her forehead. I want to absorb some of the things that I find lacking in myself from these people and maintain the cool lifestyle that they do...how do I get there? By depriving myself of my natural assets and blessings that I don't want to come face-to-face with. So here we go:
It's better to be you. It's better for me to be me. This is a seemingly "no duh" concept, only it's not. Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is being yourself. Sometimes I look in the mirror when I wake up in the morning and think "Oh, God...this is what I have to work with?" (then I pour an extra cup of cereal in my bowl) Sometimes you'll compare yourself to the natural beauty in your Chemistry class and suddenly she'll look up at you like "wtf?" and then the only reason you stop the comparison is to prevent yourself from being deemed a creeper. This could possibly just be me here, but it happens quite often. I people watch to assemble all of my flaws in one bundle and then carry it over my shoulder for the rest of the week like a hobo's knapsack. Here's why it's better to be you: If you weren't you and I wasn't me, we wouldn't be sitting here right now reading this ever-intriguing blog entry. The person sitting next to you or the person downstairs would be alone in the way that you would no longer be a part of their life. The conversations you had today would never have happened, and the people who you helped or yelled at would never have learned a lesson. The picture you drew, poem you wrote, music you played would all be lost in a non-existent time zone in some other realm. If you weren't you, you wouldn't exist and that would suck. Then think of this: The things you haven't done yet, (roadtrip, act in a movie, invent a new recipe, have a baby, dance on the beach, get married, graduate from college) all of those things would be done by someone else and you would envy them anyway!!! If it isn't you, it's someone else, so if you weren't YOU it'd be someone else!!! See the vicious cycle? SO, yes there are physically beautiful people who will always (for...the better part of their lives) be prettier, richer, wiser, more creative, "luckier" BUT considering I am only 18, I have the right to opportunities. I don't aspire to be all the things listed above, but I also haven't lived long enough to have the time to reach for them yet. Envy is a natural occurrence, but I'm kinda done comparing, stressing, and wishing that I was someone else. I from now on will allow myself (feel free to do the same) to be inspired by these people and if they are model citizens...I'll try to rise to the occasion and model their good decisions, behaviour, and spirit. That's all there is to do because I am me and you are you and we are awesome. There will be days when uncles Ben and Jerry will have to visit from their frosty abode, but then realize that soon you will look in the mirror and think "Hell yes, this is me!" That way, when you reach the higher kingdom in the sky God, (or whoever you do or don't believe in) will say "Whelp...at least it's you. Congratulations, c'mon in." And you guys: I love us.
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