Put it This Way:

They said it would take the motivation of all motivation to successfully complete my time at community college. I let it roll. I'm finding, however, that their omens were true, but not for the right reasons. I wake up in the morning and wonder why I bother trying at something I'm not even sure of. My mom told me this morning that I "have to get all A's" so that I can transfer. The fire I once had in me to transfer to Berkeley, UCLA, or SFSU, has somehow burnt out inside of me. I'm lazy with school work, I  let it sit until the night before and have no passion as I complete the worksheets that seem redundant. I sit around in the house with sweatpants on up until the hour I must leave for class. I sit at the piano with my laptop writing things out and banging them out on the piano to allow myself a moment or two of self-satisfaction. What the hell am I working for? It's hard to get up in the morning knowing the day's plan is so solidified, I know where I'll be an hour into lunch, I know who I'll be sitting next to, I know what the assignment will be. The only thing I can't predict is the weather. When I think about it, most of my idols are musicians, some are not even well-known, but they're happy. They wake up, write songs, get together, play songs, play small venues, go on tour, live a life. They live young lives and I feel that's the life for me. On the road with people I adore, people who sit with a guitar in their lap instead of a tall blond. People who think in terms of the "now" and living because we're young. I want that. No one's future is ascertained.
We'll be in the recording studio in a short amount of time (a week's time maybe?) and that has me passionate for the first time in awhile. I've written something that has been approved by my brother who wants to know what key it's in so that we may start on something that will give us something to look forward to. I'm very exited and hoping all will actually fall into place (my brother can be...a flake at certain points) I've got the song in key this morning and need to work out its kinks and out-of-beat lines. I guess my point is that I'm losing my motivation two months into school, and that's not good at all. A future needs to be developed, but I'm discouraged at its glacial pace and the way in which I must reach it. (really? a worksheet on plagiarism?) I feel like the instant I set foot in the recording studio I will fall in love for the first time, further dampening my need to reach for some unknown that could be twenty to thirty years out . This is not a lesson for all, this is just advice to myself in the form of banging things out, much the way I do on the keys. I'm lost. We'll just put it that way for now.