Hot & Heavy Heart

Today I felt like crying in the midst of the one-hundred plus degree heat. I don't really know why. I was curled into a black ball of sweaty clothes in my car as I consumed a hummus wrap with the windows down. My bare feet were stretched out across the dash as I watched cars drive circles around the lot. I just wanted to cry for no reason at all. I couldn't place my finger on why it was that this feeling was washing over me, but I assumed it's because I felt alone. I'm more able to relate myself to Mia from "Princess Diaries" when she gets sat on because she's practically invisible to others. I see nice faces, those who ask me if they can have my parking space once I'm gone and those who I hold the door for. I just can't get close to those faces because I'm in some lost place. I like getting coffee because the coffee guy talks nicely to me, he seems like he really wants to know how my day has been going. (Oh, God I'm pathetic) On the other hand, I don't really mind walking around solo, it's nice to take time to notice the simple things around me without the distraction of conversation, however eating lunch in my car everyday is starting to get a little old. Actually, today I braved the cafeteria and sat ironically, in the middle of the room at an empty table. I literally chose the middle table which is not something I was comfortable with. Busied with mathematics, I hardly noticed the things or people around me, i simply enjoyed the air conditioned room. Before leaving I purchased a frappacino and some advil and received free chapstic from some advertising committee. It's very ho-hum isn't it? The most exciting part of my day was trying to get a bee out of my backseat without looking like a fool. (I remained calm, but still looked ridiculous in the process) I miss everyone terribly. I tried to laugh at myself and then felt the lump in my throat again. I have my good days and my bad days just like everyone else, but sometimes I really wish I had someone to laugh with/at me. The above song epitomizes my thoughts about coming and going. Love it. New obsession.